


Do You Promise?

by anxiousravenclaw



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Odin's A+ Parenting, Poor Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Unhealthy Relationships, frigga is a good mother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 06:43:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15261669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousravenclaw/pseuds/anxiousravenclaw
Summary: He promised to love him forever.He lied.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a short fic and it's probably not that original but I liked the idea :)

_"Do you love me?"_

_"You know I do."_

_"Do you promise to love me forever?"_

_"I'll never stop loving you, my pet. I'll always love you."_

¤¤¤¤

 It had all been nothing but lies.

All those sweet promises made late at night as they laid together, flushed and sweaty and lying naked in a post coital haze. Whispered into his ear as he smoothed back his inky black hair or against a bare and pale shoulder. As he wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him back against him. As he placed kisses against his skin and touched him. As he made love to him.

He said he would love him forever and it was nothing but lies. And he didn't realize it until he was too far in, until he had wormed his way into his heart only to break it and leave him to pick up the shattered pieces. Leaving him empty and broken and alone and confused at what to do next. He knew one thing he had to do, he had to leave and  _now._ He'll pack up his stuff, make a few calls, and maybe his father would let him come back home. If not maybe he'd get to at least still see his mother or at least speak with her. Maybe his brother's offer still stood. Either way he had to leave, En Dwi wasn't giving him much choice and he was done. He was well and truly broken and he had to leave while he still could.

There was no point in staying any longer.

¤¤¤¤

Loki looked up sharply when he heard a sharp knock at the door but made no move to answer it until he heard the deep rumble of his brother's voice calling out, "It's me, Loki. You can open the door, I'm alone."

Loki let out a breath of relief and went and opened the door. Immediately Thor swept him into a bone crushing hug and Loki had to fight to keep a straight face and to keep any tears from falling. He would not show any weakness, not to Thor, not to anyone. He did return the hug, he needed the comfort and his brother was always willing to give it to him. Even now when their father all but disowned him he was still there for him despite Loki not having talked to him this past year. Not by his own choice but at En Dwi's insistence. One of his many.

 Thor helped his load all of his stuff into his massive truck before they finally climbed in and started driving back. Back home. Or at least Thor's home. Their father, Odin, had made it very clear that Loki was not welcome back at their family home. Apparently he still couldn't forgive Loki for turning out gay and running off with a man who was fifteen years younger then Odin himself. His mother hadn't been too happy either but only because she had been worried about Loki, worried that he didn't really know enough about this older man to run off with him. Loki now had to admit that she had made a valid point, he had just figured that out a bit too late and he was in too deep to just leave. Not that he would have, he wanted to stay. Wanted to stay by En Dwi's side forever. Even after everything that had happened Loki still wanted to stay. But he couldn't and he had to stay strong.

"Did you speak to mother yet?" Thor asked after a couple of minutes of driving in silence.

Loki nodded, looking out the window as they drove through the freeway, "For a couple of minutes before  _father_ took the phone away to speak with me."

"He asked about you you know. Wanted to know if I had heard anything from you. If you were okay."

Loki scoffed, "So he could know about all of the ways I was  _ruining_ my life and how I was bringing  _disgrace_ to our family?"

"No," Thor frowned, "I think he was genuinely worried about you, Loki."

"And yet for the two minutes I was forced to listen to him last night when I had wanted to speak to my mother he had made it abundantly clear that I was not welcome back and any troubles that I might be going through were my problem and not to expect any help from him. So forgive me if I find it hard to believe that the man 'cares' for me."

"Loki-"

"No, Thor. He made it clear that I was no longer any son of his so no. I'm not going to try and mend any broken fences there when he was the one who tore them down. I shouldn't have to be the one to do that."

"Don't you miss him?" Thor asked as he checked for any incoming cars before switching lanes.

"I miss mother. And I missed you, a little. But not him. I don't care about him." But Loki knew he was lying.

Thor did too but didn't say anything, just kept driving until they stopped at a drive-thru to get a bite to eat before finally arriving at Thor's place where Loki would be staying until he landed back on his feet. Loki had no idea just how much Thor knew, or suspected, of what his relationship with En Dwi had been but he seemed to suspect something was amiss. He hadn't been thrilled when Loki had announced that he was leaving to move far away with his much older boyfriend when they had only been dating a month. Loki had, wrongly assumed, it was out of disgust, like Odin's reaction had been, rather then concern, like his mother, and he had yelled at Thor before Thor started yelling back that he had it all wrong. That he had En Dwi figured out all wrong.

Thor then went on explaining how he didn't trust En, that he was hiding something from Loki. That he should think more carefully about moving in with him so far from home and from anyone he could turn to for help. Loki hadn't listened. He had been blinded by love for En Dwi and anger at Odin and the need to run far away as he could from him. Thor saw that, he saw that he wasn't going to get through his little brother and he watched as he left, promising that he could come to him for help. They had kept in touch a little, before En Dwi had put a stop to it, and Loki said nothing but he was sure Thor knew without him telling him anything and he was simply waiting for Loki to ask him for help.

When he did neither of them were surprised.

Loki _was_ surprised to see their mother waiting for them at the front of Thor's house. She had been sitting on one of the chairs Thor kept out front but the minute she saw them pull up she got up and moved to the passenger side of the truck, opening the door for Loki, and pulled him in for a tight hug. Loki clutched her tightly as well, breathing in her comforting smell of lilac and roses. He hadn't seen his mother in three years and those blessed five minutes that he had been able to talk to her last night had not been nearly enough. He had missed her terribly.

"It's all right, Loki, it's going to be okay." His mother hushed him gently, and it was only then that Loki realized he had started crying. He hurriedly wiped his tears away and pulled back, clearing his throat a little and giving his mother a strained smile.

"I'm okay." He said and turned away from her sad smile to help Thor unload his stuff from the truck. 

"Loki?" His mother's soft voice stopped him and she walked over so that she was standing in front of him and gathered his face in her hands, staring intently at his eyes. It made him nervous. Frigga was the one person he could never lie to completely. She always seemed to be able to tell when he was lying and what he was hiding just by staring into his eyes and he was afraid of what she was seeing in them now. He didn't want her to know about any of it. So he looked away from her face and he heard her let out a long sigh before saying, "All right. I'll wait until you're ready to tell me. For now, I'm just glad to have you back."

¤¤¤¤

Frigga had stayed behind while Loki and Thor ate and left soon after with the promise to come visit again when she could. Both sons hugged her and waved her goodbye until she was out of sight and started unloading Loki's things into one of Thor's guest rooms. It was smaller then what Loki was used to, but it was comforting in a way that he couldn't describe and he hadn't brought much stuff with him so he found a place for everything.

Thor had left him to unpack and settle on his own so Loki found himself sitting on his bed and looking through his phone.

Nothing.

No sign that he had even noticed, or cared, that Loki was gone. That he had left. He couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. It hurt, in a way. Almost like he truly never cared. It stung too. Had Loki truly meant nothing at all to him? 

He knew he shouldn't think about that. He had more important things to think about like finding a new job, saving up to get his own place and car, catching up with Thor and his mother, and moving on from the shit that was his life these last three years. He had to forget all of it, the pain, the humiliation, the hurt, the broken promises, and the good times. He had to. He didn't want to think about or talk about any of it.

He threw his phone back onto his bed and rifled through his stuff until he found his pack of cigarettes and made his way to Thor's backyard. He needed to smoke.

Thor found him sitting on his back steps a couple of minutes later and sat down next to him. Loki shot a glare at him, warning him not to say anything. Thor had always hated his habit of smoking and would never shut up about trying to get him to stop, but he was stressed and he needed it. But Thor didn't say anything as he sat down, just clasped his hands in front of him and looked up at the stars in silence as Loki kept smoking.

Once Loki put out his cigarette Thor finally spoke and asked, "Did he hurt you?"

"Doesn't every relationship end in hurt?" Loki countered.

"You know what I mean, Loki." Thor said fiercely, staring at him.

Loki tensed up and snapped out, "No."

"I know you're lying, Loki."

"Doesn't matter," Loki said lighting up another cigarette, "look, I appreciate you letting me stay here with you but I don't want to talk about any of this. Ever. He didn't beat me or anything, if that's what you're thinking, so there's nothing for you to worry about."

"He didn't have to beat you to hurt you."

"He didn't do anything! Drop it, okay? It didn't work out, that's all, Thor."

"Then why were you so desperate to leave?" Thor asked and Loki lost it. He stood up and glared down at Thor, his fists clenched at his side.

"If you don't want me here I'll leave-"

"I don't, Loki, you're more than welcome to stay here." Thor assured him.

"Then why won't you just drop it?" Loki hissed and Thor shrugged in defeat and sighed as he looked back up at the stars.

"I'm just worried, Loki."

"There's no reason to be," Loki insisted, "it's all in the past."

"That's what worries me, what exactly is in the past, Loki?"

"Nothing." Loki answered and sat back down next to Thor, bringing the cigarette back to his lips. "Nothing at all."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention this sooner but En Dwi Gast doesn't actually appear appear in this fic. He appears mostly in like flashbacks and stuff but he doesn't make an appearance in the present time.

When Loki woke up Thor had already left for work so he had the house and the day to himself. He fixed himself something to eat, simple eggs and toast, got himself some coffee, and brought his laptop out of his room to the kitchen table. He also checked his phone but still no calls or messages from a certain ex.

He reminded himself that that was a good thing.

He spent a while updating his resume and applying for some companies that weren't outright competitors of Odin's and Thor's company, he couldn't betray his brother that way and was glad he had let Loki list him as a reference as he couldn't count on his father helping him get a job. Thor had tried, vainly, to convince him to come back to the company to work there but Loki had strongly refused. It wasn't simply the fact that Loki doubted his father would allow him to come back, even if he would be working under Thor, and even if he did he didn't want to spend the entire time working there doing his best to avoid him or being blamed for things that were beyond his control. But mostly because he didn't want it to seem like he needed that much help, it was already too much to be living with Thor and he couldn't keep expecting him to help him. Finding a new job will be something Loki will do on his own.

Not to mention that there were some bittersweet memories there, it was his families company where he ran into En Dwi. Literally. 

¤¤¤¤

It had been incredibly hectic that day as everyone was on high alert for some new high class client Odin was hoping to land that day. Loki had been especially kept busy as Odin never wanted him meeting with any potential clients, leaving that for himself and Thor to deal with. Loki had always found it irritating that he was treated more as a secretary rather then the CFO and never understood why he was never allowed at the meetings when he had every right to. But that was a fight he was tired of fighting and in the end it hadn't mattered, he ended up attracting this new clients attention.

Loki had gone to grab some files for Thor for the meeting and he hadn't been paying attention when he had crashed into a man nearly the same height as him. Loki had ended up dropping the files he had been carrying on the floor, cursed, and knelt down to start picking them up when the man he had crashed into knelt down and started helping him.

"You don't have to help." Loki snapped irritably, this was going to make him late to hand the files over to Thor which would be a lovely reason for his father to berate him about how he never took his work seriously and Loki just wanted this man gone, this would all be his fault. But instead of hearing a mumbled apology, like he had expected, he merely hears a delighted and smooth laugh and looks up, his eyes widening slightly and his hands stopping as he made to collect the files.

"You're a feisty one, aren't you."

It was a man, an older man, that Loki didn't recognize and judging by his suit he had to be one of the higher-ups people. How did he not know him? He was becoming curious about him though. He was dressed immaculately in a deep burgundy suit, navy dress shirt, and black tie. His dark silver hair was styled back and he was wearing dark shades and he was staring at Loki with a dark silver brow raised and an amused smirk on his lips and Loki could feel the slight hint of color appearing on his usually pale cheeks as he realized that he was being obvious in his staring. 

The man didn't seem to mind as he had scooped up the last of the files and handed them over to Loki before standing up and reaching a hand for Loki to take. He did and allowed himself to be helped up, surprised by the warmth in the older man's hand, he liked it.

"Got everything there?" The man asked and Loki looked down at the files, looking through them quickly and carefully.

"Yes, yes it's all here. Thank you, for helping me." Loki muttered a little embarrassed.

The man waved a hand, still looking very amused, and said, "Oh it was no bother. Least I could do, after I let myself become so distracted by that stunning face of yours." He then leaned in towards Loki, his fingers running along Loki's jaw while his lips ghosted over Loki's while he said, "You truly are a stunning creature."

Loki felt his entire face go hot but he couldn't deny that he was slightly intrigued, as well as aroused. He was used to being hit on, but no man had ever flirted quite as bluntly or boldly as this and Loki liked it, it made him feel like he was really interested in him, a little special. Loki found himself giving the man a coy smirk as he slowly leaned forward to press their lips together all the way, making the man look both bemused and impressed as he moves his hand to grip the back of his head, his fingers entwining into his hair.

_"Loki!"_

A loud voice echoes across the hall they're standing in and the man looks highly irritated by the interruption and by Loki jumping back in shock as he recognizes his father's voice and looks to see him stepping out of the elevator. He looks absolutely livid and Loki couldn't help but hate how he automatically started to shrink into himself as his father made his way towards them.

"What do you think you are doing?" Odin hisses into Loki's ear as he grips his arm and tugs him a tad too harsh.

"Nothing!" Loki hisses back as he tugs his arm back while making sure not to drop the files again as it will simply give his father another excuse to yell at him.

"You call draping yourself over some strange man nothing? Have you no shame? Can you not keep your attention seeking tendencies hidden before you make a mockery of yourself and this family?"

Loki wanted to argue. He wanted to point out that this hall had been empty before he had arrived and even if anyone else had seen them they had done nothing wrong and he was overreacting. But before Loki could do so the man stepped right behind Loki, leaning slightly over his shoulder, and said, "Excuse me, are you perhaps Odin Borson?"

Odin gave him a dirty look as he answered, "And if I am?" He made as if to move Loki away from him but the man stuck his hand out in front of him, offering it to Odin to shake as he said, "I'm En Dwi Gast, I believe we have a meeting in a few minutes about doing business together." He then gave Odin a tight lipped smile as both Odin and Loki looked surprised to hear that this was the En Dwi Gast they were waiting for and he had been flirting with Loki.

Quickly getting over his shock, Odin gave him his attempt at a smile that came out more as a grimace and shook Gast's hand rather quickly as he said, "Yes, of course. We had been waiting for you, Mr. Gast, and it's good to see that you have arrived. Should I lead you towards the business room where the meeting will take place?"

En Dwi gave him a much more pleasant smile as he took his hand back and said, "Why yes, we might as well start this meeting as soon as we can. "Will you be joining us, uh, Loki was it? If I have my information right you are the CFO and should be a part of the meeting, yes? I'm sure your input will be a vital in my decision making."

Loki saw his father's eye twitch at that, he usually had Loki give his secretary all important information dealing with their finances so that she could sit through the meetings instead as he didn't like having Loki be part of the meetings. But now here was a potential high client asking for Loki himself, he had to let him in this meeting and Loki smiled widely when he saw his father coming to the same conclusion as he turned back to En Dwi Gast and said, "Of course, I just have to get a few more papers from my desk but I'll be there, Mr. Gast."

"Oh please, you may simply call me En or En Dwi, lovely Loki." Then, with a huge and bright smile on his face, showing off his glistening white teeth, he grabbed one of Loki's hands and brought it to his lips, placing a kiss right on his knuckles. Loki smiled back just as brightly as he gently took his hand back and En said, "I'll be waiting for you."

At that point Odin had made an impatient noise and had begun to move away and En stared after him, amused, before turning back to Loki and said, "Meet me back here after this dreadful meeting and I'll take you to lunch."

"Do you promise?" Loki teased.

En Dwi winked at him as he replied, "I promise."

 ¤¤¤¤

Loki snapped himself out of that memory and went back to looking for any companies looking for an experienced CFO and didn't allow himself to check his phone again until he was done.

His mother came to visit with him for a while and he was grateful for her presence and the chance to truly catch up without being interrupted. Frigga, like Thor, did try for a while to convince Loki to go back to work at the family company but gave in when she saw that Loki wouldn't be moved.

"So, why did you end things between you and En Dwi?" She asked instead as she did what he asked and moved on from the topic of him going back to work with Thor and Odin.

Loki grimaced, he should have seen that coming. "It just didn't work out, mother, let's just leave it at that."

"Loki, darling, please. Talk to me. Are you hurting?"

Loki merely shrugged as he went to get some more tea for his mother and himself and called out, "Just the regular hurt one feels when a relationship didn't work out. Especially if one of them sacrificed quite a bit just to be in the relationship."

He handed his mother her tea and she nodded sadly as she remembered the huge fight her youngest and her husband got into before Loki had left with his newest, and oldest, boyfriend. She just hopes that Loki had been happy  _during_ the relationship. She had to know that he was, that would ease her worry. She gazed up sadly at Loki as she asked, "Was it worth it? Being with him and sacrificing what you did to be with him?"

Loki was silent for a while as he thought it over before letting out a sharp, "No."

"Loki...?"

"It's in the past, mother, leave it at that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll be quite a while before I post the next chapter out so hope you all enjoy this one :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some brief Dashing/Frost here.

The rest of the week passed and before Loki realized it was the weekend already. And still not a single call or text from En Dwi and it bothered Loki. And it bothered him that it even bothered him when it very well shouldn't. It was supposed to be a good thing. But... it still felt wrong somehow.

Thor, noticing Loki's downcast expression, suggested they invite some of their friends, who were really Thor's friends, and do some grilling out back. Loki was against the idea as he just wanted to spend some time alone and mope around. But he could see his brother meant well and really wanted to do something to cheer him up, or at least distract him, and maybe he could use the distraction. It might even be wise to do so. So Loki had agreed, without much enthusiasm, and Thor had only invited the friends they had both known since they were children so it would only be a small amount of people. Loki could handle that.

They had quickly gone to the store to pick up some food and beers, and another pack of cigarettes for Loki, and drove back home. Loki was helping Thor set up the grill when both Volstagg and Fandral arrived with even more cases of beers. Volstagg, of course, immediately headed to the grill and took over control of it from Thor and Loki as he insisted only he knew how to properly grill the food. He then quickly said hello to Loki, who merely rolled his eyes and went to sit on a chair and lit a cigarette. 

Soon after, Hogun appeared with a few more bits of food and then Sif arrived and Thor had finally allowed Volstagg to start grilling the food as everyone else drank, or smoked in Loki's case.

The other's had all come to say hello to Loki and ask how he was, otherwise, they left him well alone as they had all always been much closer to Thor then to him. So Loki was slightly surprised when Fandral came over to sit on the chair next to his and offered him a can of beer, that he had refused. They sat in silence for a while before Fandral asked, "So, you're single now are you?"

Loki gave Fandral a dirty look out of the corner of his eye, but he merely smiled at Loki as he held up his can of beer and took a drink from it. Loki sighed, a bit tired. He really should have seen this coming.

Ever since they were all teenagers Loki had always known that Fandral had fancied him, but he had never thought much about it as Fandral had never made a move on him. Mainly because Loki hadn't come out until his twenties. He, himself had never been interested in Fandral, mainly because he had always been a bit to cocky for Loki's taste and he would fuck anyone who caught his attention. So the fact that Loki  _had_ caught his attention since before Loki even realized that he preferred men had never made him feel flattered or had endeared him to Fandral. It made him feel more like just another hole for Fandral to fuck.

But Loki was hurting.

So as Fandral made attempts to speak to him, Loki eventually started actually talking to him. And as Fandral places a hand on Loki's upper thigh and leans in until his lips are pressed right against his ear and he whispers, "What say you and I go inside and I distract you from those thoughts racing through that pretty head of yours?"

Loki looked over to see that Thor and the others were distracted before turning to Fandral and says, "All right."

¤¤¤¤

Loki leads Fandral to his room and as soon as Loki closes the door Fandral has him pressed against the wall and is kissing him fiercely, as if making sure that Loki hasn't got the time to back out in case he changes his mind. Loki has no intention to as he needs the distraction and craves a human touch. But as he responds to Fandral's kiss and runs his own hands over Fandral's body and through his hair as Fandral runs his over Loki's, he can't help but think of someone else and their first night together.

¤¤¤¤

En Dwi had invited him over to his place after he had taken him to a theater show and then dinner. Loki had been quite tired but as En Dwi had wrapped his arm tightly around Loki's slim waist and pulled him close Loki felt himself brightening up and had gladly accepted En's invitation.

It was too soon, he knew that. He never slept with anyone this soon, only having known En Dwi for a few days. But it didn't feel wrong when En had pushed him back gently on his rather large bed and started kissing him, delicately, as if he could sense how skittish Loki was and needed reassurance that it was okay, that he was in good hands, that he wouldn't hurt him.

"I promise to be gentle." En had whispered into his ear before biting down on the lobe and eliciting a moan out of Loki. He believed him and wrapped his arms around En Dwi, opening his legs to him bringing him closer. En had let out a hum of approval as he moved to settle between Loki's legs and claimed his mouth once again.

And he was.

As he kissed Loki, slipping his tongue into his mouth, he ran his hands down Loki's side before resting his hands over the waist of the black pants Loki was wearing. His breath hitched and En Dwi swallowed his gasp as he unbuttoned Loki's pants and pulled them down to his knees before wrapping a confident hand around Loki's half hard cock. Loki hissed and let his head fall back, arching his back and thrusting into En's hand as he started to jerk him off. He heard En Dwi let out an amused laugh and felt his cheeks redden with embarrassment as he realized just how much more experienced he had to be compared to Loki.

En Dwi must have sensed this as he slinked back up Loki's body to press a reassuring kiss to his lips before whispering, "It's all right, Loki, I want you to feel good. To enjoy this." Loki looked into his face to see if he meant that and when he realized that he did he felt touched and pulled him down for another kiss. When he felt En starting to unbutton his shirt he moved his own hands to unbutton his and pushed it off of him, wanting to see more of his skin. Once En's shirt was off and he had gotten Loki out of his he moved his mouth to place kisses down Loki's pale chest, pinching his nipples as he trailed kisses across Loki's flat stomach. Loki cried out and felt the muscles in his stomach trembling, his breath hitching again as En bit down on the soft flesh on his inner thigh as he moved his pants and underwear down, before pulling them off completely leaving Loki completely naked and flush underneath him.

"Beautiful." En Dwi said reverently as he kissed Loki softly once again before reaching towards his nightstand and pulling out a bottle of lube. Loki started breathing a bit more heavily as he watched him unscrew it before applying a generous amount on his fingers and tossing the bottle to the side. He circled Loki's twitching hole with one finger before gently pushing in. Loki bit down on his lip as a moan escaped him and he felt En coating his insides, curling his finger in him.

"Like that do you?" En smiled as he pushed a second finger in and Loki began to squirm underneath him, breathing heavily and growing impatient.

"En...!" Loki cried out as he started to scissor him open and En Dwi placed another kiss on Loki's lips, swallowing in his moans and whines. Another finger went in and Loki was sobbing now, wanting to feel more friction, wanting to feel En inside of him and not just his fingers. "En please..." Loki begged reaching out and grabbing a hold of En's shoulders.

"Patience, love," En said looking pleased, "we need to prepare you thoroughly. I don't want to hurt you." He then gave a twist of his fingers and Loki cried out, coming across his stomach as he saw stars flashing behind his eyes as En Dwi had hit his prostrate and kept teasing him.

"You won't!" Loki cried out, "Please!"

En Dwi's smile grew broader as he pulled his fingers out as Loki whined and quickly removed his pants. He then grabbed the bottle of lube and spread some of his lube on his hardened cock before grabbing Loki's thighs, pushing them further apart, and pushing himself into Loki's well prepared and slick hole.

"Ahh!" Loki cried out as En moaned out, pleased with how tight and warm Loki is. He stared down at Loki's flushed face as he breathed heavily, enjoying the sight of him looking so helpless and enticing beneath him.

"Beautiful." En whispered again as he pulled back and slammed into Loki, making him cry out again. Loki kept up the cries with every thrust En gave into him, enjoying the feel of him in him and the sounds he made above him. He felt his fingers digging into En's shoulders and he let his head fall back, shutting his eyes and letting himself feel the thrusts deepen in him, crying out louder when they hit his prostrate. He gave a yelp of surprise when En Dwi lifted his legs and pressed his knees towards his chest and moaned loudly when the new position let En reached him deeper.

"En!" Loki cried out as he came again, his toes curling in midair. He lay underneath him, trembling, and En, still thrusting deeply into Loki, lowered himself to bite and kiss at Loki's neck, causing him to moan, and sliding a hand through Loki's raven locks and the other down Loki's inner thigh almost reverently. Loki wrapped his arms around En, holding him close and felt love for the older man grow inside him as he felt him still moving in him before shooting his release deep inside Loki, marking him as his as he also left marks on Loki's pale neck for all to his.

En Dwi was claiming him, had claimed him, and Loki loved him for that.

He pulled En's face up and drew him in for a deep kiss, hoping that he could feel and sense everything that Loki was feeling and wanting to say at that moment but couldn't as he was too overcome with emotion.

Loki felt sure that he did, for he placed a comforting hand against Loki's face and said, "I promise, Loki." Before pulling him close to him and holding him close as Loki drifted off into a peaceful slumber, filled with what he had thought was En Dwi Gast's love for him.

 ¤¤¤¤

It hadn't felt wrong with En Dwi that first time, even now when he thinks back on it and realizes that not everything was as it was. That En Dwi had merely been trying to lure him in and that hadn't been the real him.

But it didfeel a bit wrong with Fandral now.

He still had Loki pressed firmly against the wall and he had moved his lips from Loki's to his pale throat and was working a bruise into the sensitive flesh while snaking his hands down his sides to grasp Loki's ass cheeks firmly in both hands. Loki let out a slight noise of protest, his hands had already stilled against Fandral's shoulders and he pushed at them faintly, wanting Fandral to stop. He didn't want this, not anymore, not with Fandral.

And yet... he couldn't find it in him to push Fandral away.

It felt wrong, yes, and he wasn't sure he wanted to do this anymore, but he didn't want to stop either. 

Fandral had pulled on the collar of the black shirt he was wearing and was now sucking at the crook of Loki's neck, trying to leave a mark. Loki kept his hands firmly on his shoulders and tried to lose himself in the pleasure of feeling another man's mouth on his skin. But En's cocky grin kept flashing behind his eyes and he made a pitiful sounding whine at the back of his throat that caused Fandral to laugh, thinking that he was the cause of that sound.

"So impatient, Loki." He murmured into Loki's ears, and, next thing he knew, he was moved around until he was bent over the bed, his hands gripping tightly at the blankets and feeling a bit dazed. Fandral grabbed his waist and Loki did let out a low moan when he felt Fandral's erection pressing between his ass cheeks. "You've always been so beautiful, Loki." Fandral said in a sultry voice as he wrapped himself over Loki's back, pressing his hardening cock insistently against Loki causing him to whimper. "I'll help you feel better."

"Yes." Loki choked out. That's what he wanted, to feel better. To forget that other first night. To forget En Dwi and this burning guilt building inside his chest that had no place there. They were over, there was nothing wrong with being with Fandral this way. "Help me feel better." Loki insisted, pushing away the pointless and absurd guilt.

He felt Fandral pressing a kiss against the back of his neck before he felt his dark jeans and underwear being yanked down and slipping down his knees until they were pooled around his ankles. He then heard something being unscrewed and felt something cold and slick pressing against his hole, circling it. Loki trembled slightly and collapsed onto the bed on his elbows and chest, Fandral keeping a tight hold on his waist so that his back was arched and his ass was sticking out in the air. Fandral slowly pushed two of his slicked fingers into the enticing warmth and Loki moaned, his hole clenching around Fandral's fingers and he rested his forehead against his forearms, panting heavily and pushing his hips back, trying to get more friction from Fandral's fingers. He let out a slight yelp as Fandral hit his prostrate as he inserted another finger into Loki.

"Ahh..." Loki moaned and hissed at the slight sting from the extra stretch before Fandral started to work his fingers in him, stretching him open more.

"It's okay, Loki," Fandral said soothingly as he ran his free hand along Loki's thigh before he pulled his fingers back, Loki's hole clenching around nothing and Loki grunted at the feeling of being left empty after being full with Fandral's fingers.

 He then felt Fandral gripping his hips tightly and Loki vaguely thought about mentioning using a condom but Fandral had already pushed in before Loki could say anything and both men groaned as Fandral was fully seated inside Loki and stood still as they each let their bodies become use to the feel of the other. Loki was panting quite a bit, out of nerves mostly as he still wasn't quite sure he wanted to go through with this. But Fandral was already in his ass and it seemed pointless to stop now, and who knows, maybe it will chase that memory of his first night with En Dwi out of his mind.

After a minute Fandral gave a roll of his hips and Loki groaned as Fandral pulled back before slamming back in.

"Gah!" Loki cried out as he pushed himself back on his hands, spreading his legs a little more as Fandral kept thrusting into him, holding his hips tightly and grunting with every thrust into Loki. The room was quickly filling with the sound of skin hitting skin and their grunts and groans. Loki met his thrusts and he couldn't help but think to himself that despite Fandral's various exploits in other people's bed he was not as good as he thought he would be.

It took him quite a while to hit Loki's prostrate with his cock, but once he did Loki started crying out and hung his head down, moving his hips back and trying to get Fandral to hit that spot again.

"Come on!" Loki grunted quietly to himself, unsure whether Fandral heard him or not. Perhaps he did because he reached around Loki, grabbing hold of his hardened cock and jerking it. Loki cried out, "Faster!" Wanting him to jerk him faster and fuck into him harder, wanting to come to end this already. 

Fandral took the hint, moving his hips and hand faster and Loki cried out as he finally came and let himself collapse half onto the bed as Fandral still held him up as he kept fucking into him. Loki simply grunted now, shutting his eyes as he felt Fandral moving faster and deeper inside him before he felt him stiffen, heard him let out a low groan, and felt the warmth of his release inside him before collapsing on top of him. Loki made a slight noise of protest at this and elbowed him in the ribs to get him to get off of him. He eventually did, slowly pulling out of Loki and tucking himself back in.

Loki made a noise of displeasure and scrunched his noise when he felt Fandral's spend sliding down his inner thigh. He then let out a surprised yelped as he felt a hard slap to his ass and looked over his shoulder to glare at Fandral who was smiling down at him.

"That was fun, wasn't it? Bet you feel better now, right?" He asked, a bit too cocky in Loki's opinion but he said nothing as he straightened up and bent down to pull his underwear and jeans back up, well aware that Fandral was no doubt eyeing his ass and his come spilling out of his used and swollen hole. "Let me know if you want a second round, all right. I'm a head back down before anyone, especially Thor, realizes we're both missing." He then wrapped an arm around Loki and pulled him in to place a kiss on Loki's cheek that, to Loki at least, felt a bit awkward.

 Once Fandral had left the room Loki realized that he felt no better.

¤¤¤¤

Thor looked up as Fandral reappeared from wherever he had disappeared to and had grabbed himself another beer from the cooler. He looked rather pleased with himself and Thor decided not to think too much about it. Not even when he noticed Loki walking out a couple minutes later with a water bottle and looking a bit flushed and with a look of regret on his face. But as Loki wasn't shying away from Fandral, merely looking unimpressed, he figured nothing  _bad_ had happened. He did check in with Loki though.

"Everything okay with you and Fandral?" Thor asked once everyone had gone and he and Loki were cleaning up the backyard a bit.

Loki sighed, not surprised Thor had noticed and merely said, "It was nothing. Thought it would be a good distraction and that it might make me feel better."

"Did it?"

"No." Loki said, biting on his bottom lip and walking away.

Thor sighed and made a mental note to himself to talk to Fandral about trying to  _help_ his brother through this break up and that it would be best to leave him alone. Although he couldn't see how either of them thought that would actually help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you all enjoyed this chapter, it'll be a while before the next chapter is up :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and it will most likely be a while until the next chapter as well. I have plenty of time but I always don't have access to a laptop and i hate writing on my phone, it's always changing the words to words I don't want.

The next couple of days passed in a blur for Loki as he settled into a routine. 

Thor would leave for work after sharing a quick breakfast with Loki. Loki would then spend the rest of the day applying for jobs, sometimes going to interviews but leaving without the job. There were a few promising interviews but Loki started to think he just might have to take up Thor's offer if he ever planned on getting his own place and livingon his own again. His mother would come to visit him daily, which was always nice, and sometimes they even went out somewhere. She still tried to get Loki to give his father a chance and try speaking him.

"It's his birthday next week, Loki. Try to mend things with your father before then, please, dear."

Loki simply frowned. Next week wasn't just Odin's birthday, but also the day when Loki walked out on him and Odin had disowned him when learning that Loki had intended to move in with En Dwi Gast.

¤¤¤¤

Odin wasn't happy, that much was clear. Yes, they had gotten En Dwi Gast as a client jisy as he was hoping for. But, En Dwi Gast also seemed to be quite taken with his youngest son and it did not sit well with him at all.

Before En Dwi Gast had appeared Loki had always  _tried_ to keep his abnormal lust for men under control. But now, with the older man flamboyantly trying to woo Loki with no care for who was watching Loki was quickly crumbling under his attention. In no time at all everyone in the building will learn about Loki's preference for men and he will be ridiculed. Not to mention their family name will be thrown in and it will bring a scandal to them that Odin had no desire to handle.

Bad enough that Loki knew no better, he could at least ignore the older man and try to be a good son. Odin will have to speak to Loki soon. The fact that it will be during his birthday celebration and the last time he will see his youngest son was something he never would have expected. 

Every year for his birthday Frigga would throw a lavish dinner for her husband, inviting a few friends every year. Both Thor and Loki would go, out of a sense of duty and because it was their father's birthday. They were allowed to invite dates or friends but, so far, only Thor ever did. 

That year he had invited Sif, not as a date as he was constantly insisting to both his parents. Frigga had invited Njord and Tyr, who were both close friends to Odin and both worked under him in the company. The dining table was full of wonderful delicacies Frigga had worked hard on from a roasted turkey, roast beef, mashed potatoes covered in garlic butter with beefy gravy, a glazed ham, several greens, a platter of deli meats, and a large violet and lavender pudding and a largw chocolate cake with a red wine frosting. It was all simply wonderful.

But where was Loki?

No matter how tense their relationship had become since Loki had finally come out to his family he had still never missed celebrating his father's birthday. Even Odin seemed hurt and confused by this for he truly loved both of his sons and saw no reason why Loki shouldn't be here. It was then a huge relief when Loki finally arrived... clinging to the arm of En Dwi Gast 

"Sorry we're late," Loki announced as he pulled his arms free to remove his trench-like coat and handing it to one of the passing maids, "En here couldn't decide what to wear." 

"My apologies but Loki did say this was a special occasion, happy birthday by the way, Odin." En Dwi said merrily as Loki greeted both Thor and Sif before kissing his mother on the cheek and greeting Njord and Tyr be for taking his seat, pulling En Dwi along with him.

"Yes, happy birthday father." Loki said reaching for a glass of wine and taking a delicate sip of it.

Soon after everyone began to pile their plates with all the delicious food Frigga had made and were truly enjoying themselves, all except for Odin.

He kept staring as En Dwi doted and touched Loki throughout dinner. Constantly running his hands over his face or hair, grabbing his hand and squeezing it, his hand disappearing under the table with his arm leaning towards Loki, and constantly feeding him bits of his food. It was nauseating. And Loki merely sat there, welcoming this attention in front of everyone as if it was not something he should hide.

And he disliked the way the older man looked at his youngest son, as if he was something to play with.

No, he could not let this continue.

"What do you think you are doing?" Odin's voice rang out over the cheerful atmosphere of the dinner, dampening everyone's room and rendering the people at the table silent.

"Dear," Frigga reached out a hand to clasp her husband's, "whatever do you mean?"

But Loki, who had a feeling he was talking to him, narrowed his eyes at his father as he asked, "What do you mean, father?" He said the last word in a cold snarl which enraged Odin further.

"I mean, what the hell do you think you're doing bringing that man  _here!?"_

"He's my boyfriend and he's my date!" Loki shouted. "And we're doing nothing but eating dinner, trying to celebrate  _your_ birthday!"

"You call letting this strange older man touch you in front of all these people nothing? Have you no shame Loki!?" Odin shouted back as he slammed a fist on the table.

"There's nothing wrong with that!" Loki shouted as he know stood up from his seat. "Nothing at all! People touch either when they're in a relationship and in love and En Dwi and I care for each other and I  _like_ his touches and no one else here has a problem with that but you!"

Odin took this all in and was willing to let it go for the moment, not wanting to have this conversation in front of Njord and Tyr or even Gast. But then he saw Gast reaching out and pulling on Loki's arm as he asked him to sit back down and not to make a scene.

Odin lost it.

He let out what he knew was a rather cold laugh as he addressed his son once more. "Love? Care? You truly think this man cares about you, Loki?"

"Odin, stop this now." Frigga urged him but he ignored her and continued, oblivious to how uncomfortable everyone else seemed or how much his words were about to hurt his son.

"You are nothing but a foolish young man for him to have 'fun' with until he grows tired of you and tosses you away. And you will let him have his fun, treat you as a toy, a shiny conquest for him to parade around to show to everyone that a man his age can still get himself a young foolish man to follow him around and let him do despicable things to because he doesn't know any better and is desperate for attention. He will use you and hurt you and you will welcome it as long as it feeds your unnatural urges instead of listening to your family who has tried so hard to make you right!"

A cold silence spread throughout the room as both Frigga and Thor stared at Odin in shock and just a bit of anger before they turned to look at Loki. Loki was furious. He had his jaw clenched tightly, fists clenched at his side's, his eyes were narrowed with seething anger, and his cheeks were flushed with an angry red.

"How dare you," Loki demanded in a cold whisper. "How dare you say those things. You know nothing about me, nothing about us, and you're wrong! Wrong about everything! I love En Dwi and I know he loves me and he's not going to use me and toss me aside!"

"He will! He will and it will serve you right for your unnaturalness!" Odin snarled now standing up from his seat, nothing but pure anger and shame in his eyes.

"There's nothing wrong with who I choose to love and I'm tired of you telling me that there is! I love En Dwi and he's asked me to move in with him and I just might to get away from you and your damn ignorance and hate for who I am and who I choose to love!" Loki shouted and ignored both his mother and brother's cries and instead focusing on the arm that wrapped itself around his waist and looking down to smile at En Dwi who was smiling hugely at him and he lost himself as he stared at those eyes that were so full of love for him.

Until the moment was ruined by his father shouting at him again. "If you dare do so then you are no longer any son of mine for indulging in your sick fantasies!"

"Odin!"

"Father!"

Both Frigga and Thor shouted but Loki merely stared back coldly at the man who was supposed to be his father.

"Very well then," Loki said coldly, "I'll send for my things. Come along En, it's clear we're no longer wanted here. Goodbye mother, Thor, and I apologize for that display Sif, Njord, and Tyr. I hope you'll forgive me." Loki and En Dwi had already gathered up their coats before Loki turned back around and, looking straight at Odin, said in an emotionless tone, "Happy Birthday... Odin." Before walking out with En Dwi's arm wrapped around his waist.

¤¤¤¤

Once they arrived at the hotel room En Dwi was staying at it all hit Loki at once what just happened.

His father had really just said all that to him. He had called his attraction, his love, to En Dwi unnatural. Had implied that he was simply using him. Had  _claimed_ that his attraction to men could have been set  _right_ if he had merely listened and tried to change, to fix that. He had said all that in front of everyone. And he.... he said he wasn't his son anymore.... He called him sick for loving En Dwi.

What was he going to do?

He had announced in front of everyone that he was going to move in with En Dwi, mostly just to spite his father, but now that he was alone with him in his hotel room he remembered why he had been so hesitant to move in with him when En Dwi had first asked him.

He didn't know him.

Not enough to move in with him or move to a different city since En Dwi didn't even have a place to stay here, hence the hotel room. Though he had said he was willing to purchase a place just to stay by Loki's side and he had no idea whether he was joking or not.

As he was still thinking back on how a dinner celebrating his father's birthday had gone so wrong En Dwi came up from behind and wrapped his arms around Loki, bringing him close and kissing a line up Loki's slender neck. Loki leaned his head back so En had more access to his neck and placed his hands over En's, welcoming the attention but also feeling slightly unsure about what was to happen now.

"I know tonight hadn't gone as planned," En Dwi whispered against Loki's ear, pulling at his earlobe with his teeth, "but I'm glad you've decided to move in with me."

"My father..." Loki couldn't help but mumble out and he jerked when En nipped at the soft spot between his ear and jaw and pulled Loki tighter towards him.

"Now, now, Loki. There's no need to think of such unpleasant things, not tonight, not ever again." He started kissing and sucking at Loki's neck, leaving marks on his pale skin and Loki couldn't help but pant, losing himself to the sensations. "Your father is nothing but an ignorant, cruel man." En Dwi moved one of his hands down Loki's body until he had his hand pressed against the crotch of Loki's pants, palming him.

"Ah! En...." Loki stuttered.

"You poor, poor thing," En Dwi smiled against Loki's neck as he unbuttoned his pants, pulling out Loki's cock and swirling his thumb around the head. 

"Ah! Wait!" Loki cried out but it ended in a low moan as En Dwi squeezed his fingers slightly before moving his hand down to play and fondle with his balls.

"You're father never showed you much love did he?" En whispered as he moved Loki's pants down with his free hand before circling his hole with a dry finger. Loki gasped loudly at the added sensation as he was still playing with his balls.

"Making you feel ashamed and dirty for loving you who love." He moved his hand up Loki's shaft, beginning to jerk him slowly while still playing with his hole before slowly starting to try and press his finger in without any lube to ease the way in. 

"Stop..." Loki whined, unsure if he meant the words or what he was doing to him. 

 "Don't worry though," En Dwi kissed the back of his neck softly, fondly. "I'll love you."

And Loki held on to those words as En Dwi spun him around before roughly pushing him onto the bed. As he tore his clothes off. As he opened him up so he could take him. And as he pushed his way in, fucking him to the point that it almost hurt. Loki held on to those words as he took thrust after painful thrust, hoping that it was a promise En Dwi meant to keep.

And as he came inside him, leaving him alone and sore on the bed as he washed up, Loki could almost believe that everything would be okay. 

 ¤¤¤¤

When Loki woke up the next day En Dwi was already awake and was currently in the process of getting dressed and ready for work as he still had one more meeting with Odin and his board before leaving. 

For some reason this caused Loki to start to panick. The day before he had just gotten in a huge fight with his father with it ending in him basically disowning Loki and never wanting to see him ever again. He was entirely on his own, unsure if he could even contact his mother and brother and had to now fend for himself.

He had to know it wasn't a mistake, trusting En Dwi and their love. Believing that he would look out for Loki. That he truly loved him and was not just the new plaything his father had insisted on. He needed that reassurance, especially after the nearly forceful way he taken him and fucked him last night .

Loki hurriedly climbed out of bed, ignoring the way his sore and aching body protested, and, still completely naked and feeling more vulnerable in his entire life, walked over to a fully dressed En Dwi who had his face turned away as he looked for his keys.

"En?" Loki called out softly and when the older man turned to look at him, a wild smile on his face when he saw that Loki was still naked, Loki held his face carefully between both hands and said, "Promise me this is worth it. Worth everything that I just sacrificed and turned my back on. Promise me you'll love me forever."

En Dwi smiled and took both of Loki's cold hands in his warmer ones and brought them to his lips, placing a kiss on both of them, before bringing them to his chest.

"I promise you, Loki." He lied.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I'll try not to take so long to update the next chapter but it probably will be quite a wait as well :)

Odin's birthday dinner had gone according to plan and, despite both his mother and Thor trying to get him to go, Loki had meant it when he said he wasn't going to go. 

"Father asked about you." Thor told him when he came back later that night with several leftovers his mother had pushed on him. 

Loki pretended not to have heard him. 

"He's trying, Loki. In his own way he's trying." Thor sighed and Loki merely scoffed. "Do you really want to go the rest of your life without trying to make amends with father."

"And why do  _I_ have to make amends with  _him?_ Don't you remember what  _he_ said to  _me?"_

"Loki-"

"And he hasn't even been trying, he hasn't done anything. He's just left you and mother to try and convince me to see him and I have no intention to so drop it, Thor. I don't  _want_ to see him." Loki said with as much finality as he could put in his voice to make Thor drop it, he really didn't want to think about it anymore.

"Fine, here. Mother sent you these." Thor placed all the numerous Tupperware filled with leftovers on Loki's lap and Loki tried not to look too happy about eating these later.

"I'll drop it," Thor cut into his thoughts and Loki groaned internally, he should have seen this coming, "if you finally tell me what happened."

Loki stiffened slightly and pretended to act like he had no idea what Thor was talking about as he said, "What do you mean?" 

"You know what, Loki." Thor said sternly.

"Thor-" Loki moaned.

"No. The few times you talked to me when you were with that man you never sounded happy. Then after a year of not hearing from you you call me and tell me you need help to leave, to get out. Do you have any idea what you sounded like when you called me, Loki?"

Loki chose not to answer. He was well aware that he had sounded like a man that was broken and who had lost everything and he didn't want to dwell on that either. But it was clear Thor wasn't going to be dropping this. He should have chosen his battles more carefully.

"Loki," Thor sat down next to him, "tell me what happened? Please, I just, I need to know that you were okay."

Loki looked down at the leftovers. Had he been okay?

Loki thought back on it. True to his word Loki had sent for his things and En Dwi had arranged for it all to be sent to his place where it would all be waiting when he and Loki moved back there. Both his mother and Thor had tried to talk him out of it, but he wasn't listening as his father's words and En Dwi's promises were still ringing through his head that he couldn't even focus on their valid concerns and worries.

"You've just met the man, Loki."

"You two haven't even dated that long? You haven't even dated much."

"Do you really know anything about him, dear? Are you even sure he's a good man who'll treat you well?"

"Can you even really trust him?"

"Don't do this just because of what your father said. If you're having doubts listen to them, please Loki."

Loki did have doubts, a load of them, but he pushed them away. He made up his mind and he will follow En Dwi to wherever he was going. Everything will be okay. It will be.

He had wanted to believe that but in the end he had to realize that his mother and brother had every right to worry. Nothing had really been okay with En.

That's not what he told Thor though. He had always been good at lying.

"It was fine, I was fine. En was kind and loving. He loved to spoil me, buying things he'd thought I'd appreciate. Taking me to try new foods, took me to see a few Broadway shows or concerts. Sometimes he would take me overseas when he had to for work or simply because he felt like it. It was never a dull moment with him and he always made sure to let me know how much he loved me and how happy he was. It was fine."

Thor seemed completely unimpressed with Loki's answer, glaring at him slightly before letting out a long and low sigh before asking, "Why can't you just tell me the truth?"

"It is the truth." Loki said. Just not the whole truth. And he had a feeling that maybe this time Thor sensed it for he just said, "You can tell me when you're ready to and my offer still stands, you can come work for me and I'll make sure you don't have to cross paths with father if you really don't want to. There's no need to be so stubborn, Loki."

Loki gave his brother a gentle smirk before getting up to reheat some of the leftovers and putting away some of the others. "Just let me try finding another job for a little while longer and I'll seriously consider your offer, Thor."

"All right." Thor agreed and grabbed himself and Loki a beer as they finally started to catch up and talk. It was almost like old times.

¤¤¤¤

After a few more applications and interviews Loki finally had to give in and accept Thor's offer to work for him. He had worked out a work schedule for Loki that almost guaranteed he didn't have to face Odin. Almost.

Frigga was still sad that neither or husband or youngest son was willing to bridge the gap between them but Loki wasn't sure that she completely understood that that was no longer a possibility.

He and Odin had never been close, even when he was a child. While Thor was sporty, brave, and adventurous Loki was not. And though it had never bothered Thor, he still got Loki to play with him when he wanted him to and actually enjoyed spending time with his brother, Loki could always sense Odin's disappointment that he wasn't like other boys like his oldest was. It got worse when Loki grew and showed no interest in girls and spent more time locked up in his room, refusing to play sports with Thor and sometimes missing his games, though the brother's were still close. And once Loki came out... any affection Odin still had for Loki turned into nothing but bitter disappointment. Add that with their last fight... there was no hope for a reconciliation between the two.

But even he knew he couldn't avoid his father forever.

The day Loki was to start working under Thor was the first time he had laid eyes on his father since that disastrous birthday dinner.

Loki had gone to see Thor's secretary to get some papers from her that he needed to finish filling out in order to transfer himself under Thor's control of the company as well as going over some of the finances he had to look over. Once he was done speaking with her he headed towards the elevators, still looking through the papers, only for Odin to step out of the elevator he was about to get on. Both of them froze, merely looking at each other, before Loki narrowed his eyes and turned while letting out a loud huff to take either the stairs or another set of elevators.

"Loki, stop." Odin's firm voice called out to him and Loki hated how, even though it didn't get him to stop, it did make him pause and slow down. It was enough for Odin to catch up to him and grab his elbow, pulling him to a stop and turning him around to face him. Loki refused to make eye contact with him, but he could still feel his father's scrutinizing gaze on him. "You look well." He said after an awkward pause, still holding on to Loki's elbow.

Loki snorted, pulling his arm out of his father's grasp as he said, "What did you expect?"

"Thor set you up with a job here?"

"He's allowed to, he checked."

"Yes, well..."

"Are we through?" Loki asked, already turning to walk away.

"Your mother has mentioned to me, countless times, that she's worried about you. Is there anything she should be worried about?"

Loki finally looked to glare into his father's eyes. "Why? Is there something worrying you as well?"

"There's no need to worry, any misfortune that happened you brought upon yourself. Yet, still, your mother worries." Odin answers a little gruffly, vaguely staring at his watch, he has a budget meeting he needs to go to in twenty minutes, not noticing the indignant stare Loki shot him.

"I'm sorry, but exactly what kind of misfortune would I ever have brought upon myself and why do you sound like... I'd deserve it?"

Odin stared at his youngest son for a moment before saying, "I don't want to get into a fight with you-"

"It never stopped you before." Loki interrupted fiercely. 

"This is still not the place." Odin hissed and Loki let out a humorless laugh, taking a step forward, and asking, "Why, because there's no one to hear you yelling at me this time?"

"Loki-"

"Why don't you just say what you want to say and then we'll never have to see each other ever again. Why do you seem to think that I deserve whatever misfortune you think I went through?"

"You really want me to say it?" Odin demanded. Loki merely sneered at him so Odin went ahead and said it. "Because of your unnatural attraction to that man. Whatever he did to you, and I'm sure he did something, they all do something, you brought it upon yourself so set your mother and brother straight that there is no reason for them to worry over something that could have been easily avoided had you simply been normal and allowed yourself to get some help to set you right."

Oh.

Loki felt something in his break and darken as well and he couldn't help but letting his shoulders sag slightly. He had known, he had always known that his father, that Odin, had always thought that. But to actually hear it... it caused something in him to break loose and he snarled at Odin. "You really believe that, don't you? You actually believe that I need to be'fixed'? There is nothing wrong with me!"

Odin merely scoffed, completely disregarding Loki and his anger, causing Loki to lash out. "What is wrong with you!? Why is it so hard for you to accept, to comprehend, who I am? I spent my entire life trying to hide who I am, trying to reject who I am because of you. Do you have any idea how tiring that was? Not being able to embrace who I was because I knew, I knew this was how you were going to react, how you were going to treat me. And I was so afraid of that, all I wanted was for you to accept me but I was so tired of lying to myself. This is who I am, why can't you just accept that?"

Though Odin did look slightly taken aback by what Loki had just said he didn't seem at all moved as he gave him a cold and emotionless stare as he simply said, "It is not natural, Loki. You are a man, and men are not supposed to be with other men the way you were with that older man. You never should have left with him, never should have tied yourself to him, never should have allowed what happened to you to have happened."

"You know nothing of what happened." Loki hissed, stepping closer to his father.

"I know enough."

Loki laughed bitterly. "I can guarantee you, you do not and I am done talking to you. I'm done with you and want nothing to do with you, I'm sure you share the same desire and I will be sure to let Thor and mother know not to speak of me around you, for I will still talk to them both and you can't keep me from mother, and I will continue avoiding you. You won't have to see your disappointment of a son and I won't have to feel worthless just because you cannot accept the fact that I'm gay. I don't need your acceptance, not anymore."

And with that, Loki walked away from his father.

It burned him. It burned him to not only hear his father's thoughts aloud, but that he also seemed to think he knew of what had happened between him and En Dwi.

No one could no about that. Loki didn't even want to think about it. It wasn't because En Dwi had been particularly cruel to Loki or had seriously hurt him. Most of the time En Dwi hadn't even been aware when he had done something to hurt Loki, but when he did he usually apologized or tried to make it up to him. No, what made Loki not want to think about it, to merely forget it all, was that despite everything he had gone through... Loki had still always cared deeply about En Dwi. Even when he had started realizing that En Dwi merely saw Loki as a lovely hole to fuck, even when he sometimes found his way in someone else's company, even when he pushed Loki past his comfort zones and sometimes hurt him with his experiments in bed, even when it became clear that he had lied about loving Loki... he still loved him. He still did. And that's what upsets him the most. Even when Loki finally realized that he had to leave, he still loved En Dwi and knew that if he asked him to come back, if he came looking for him, Loki would go back. 

He'd go through everything all over again if it meant being by En Dwi's side. He didn't want to think about it, but he would go through it all over again and it upset him greatly. Because he also wanted to be with someone who actually loved him as well and not merely lied about it.


End file.
